Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
