You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize