Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
