Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
