just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Let's get the cat blown out
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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