you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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