Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
