she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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