this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
