I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
