last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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