I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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