This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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