She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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