Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.

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(313): Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite. http://tfl.nu/pt3f

Replies (3) Good night (1183) Bad night (2958)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You guys are open that late?

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(703): Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges." (610): You guys are open that late? http://tfl.nu/gb5t

Replies (17) Good night (1026) Bad night (3961)
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(315): View more from New York

Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.

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(315): Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/1db0

Replies (21) Good night (1809) Bad night (4287)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

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(304): I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language. http://tfl.nu/immq

Replies (11) Good night (1553) Bad night (3760)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

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(484): You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you. http://tfl.nu/o9a4

Replies (3) Good night (1380) Bad night (3071)
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(563): View more from Iowa

I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.

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(563): I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson. http://tfl.nu/yssr

Replies (9) Good night (1587) Bad night (2691)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.

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(774): In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES. http://tfl.nu/idd1

Replies (27) Good night (1582) Bad night (4227)
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(773): View more from Illinois

please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.

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(773): please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes. http://tfl.nu/3kln

Replies (8) Good night (1241) Bad night (2808)
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(941): View more from Florida

Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.

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(941): Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship. http://tfl.nu/y8rh

Replies (21) Good night (5608) Bad night (1153)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."

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(401): Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it." http://tfl.nu/3dma

Replies (5) Good night (1897) Bad night (996)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route

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(519): Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route http://tfl.nu/dfjg

Replies (6) Good night (3193) Bad night (788)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras

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(304): you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras http://tfl.nu/x6pe

Replies (3) Good night (1900) Bad night (522)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

(803): View more from South Carolina

Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

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(910): Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down. (803): Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you. http://tfl.nu/a5n4

Replies (8) Good night (1816) Bad night (822)
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(251): View more from Alabama

You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.

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(251): You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER. http://tfl.nu/1azh

Replies (7) Good night (525) Bad night (915)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels

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(412): Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels http://tfl.nu/7a7h

Replies (1) Good night (1081) Bad night (422)

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