In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
