When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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