there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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