That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh god the rape fog is back!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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