I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.