You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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