whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass