By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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