sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
