I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
