Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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