Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize