one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize