Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
