Ambien. No doubt about it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
