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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
