I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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