you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
