the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
