I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im six kinds of drunk right now
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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