What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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