I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
