I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
