i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
