Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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