She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
