I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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