I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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