Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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