she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
