FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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