Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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