ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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