Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
