She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
