It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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