Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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