She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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