there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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