i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
