WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
