What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
