Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
