my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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