I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
