I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
