You can't motorboat a personality
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
