How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize