dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
