I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
