I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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