On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
