Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
4 words: hood of his car
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
