i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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