Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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