Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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