Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
